tsk tsk. didn't realize how stupid and careless i've been til i checked my gallery. whew. hope it's not too late.

Currently feeling: wants to set someone on fire

humdrumlady

i am in a world of confusion
a world that i feel is just an illusion
how can it be that i have so much
the only catch is: it is off limits, i cannot touch
it is hard to express and find
all these feelings and thoughts running through my mind
i wish this were real
only so i could feel
all the emotions and a certain thought
that i have loved and learned and fought
all the times i said no way
i was wishing for you to take me away
how was i to know all this?
how was i to know all the stuff i have missed?
you are too good to be true
smart, gorgeous, funny, just beautiful- see all this i knew
i just was not sure about your feelings
if you could have anything 
why would you want this one thing?
how come you wanted to be with me
you see
this is where i am so confused
why is it you are so amused?
this is why i am in all this confusion
this is my wonderful world of true illusion!

Currently feeling: curious

omiko

Haaaysss.... at isa pa uling mas mahabang haaaaaaaysssss.... ang gulo!... kung kailan akala ko magiging okay na kami dahil wala na sila mas marami na ang nakikialam sa nangyayari sa'min at hindi namin basta basta pwedeng ipagwalang bahala yung mga komento ng mga taong yun dahil sila mismo ang nakasaksi at patuloy na nakakakita ng unti-unti naming pagkahulog sa isa't isa... at magulo rin syang mag-isip...

Kahapon sa bahay na naman sya umuwi dahil lasing sya... napipikon ako sa kanya dahil bigla na lang syang nagsabi na magbo-boyfriend na lang daw sya dahil yun naman daw ang tama... nakakainis!!! tapos nung nakahiga na kami, tsaka nya sinabi kung bakit ganun sya mag-isip... kinausap sya nun friend nya at pinagsabihan... sinabi nya kase yung tungkol sa'kin... tapos kinausap din pala sya ni mommy shei before umuwi... hindi sila against sa nangyayari pero hindi rin sila pabor... wrong timing nga siguro na dumating ako sa buhay nya habang on the rocks ang relasyon nila ng pare nya... tapos ako pa yung tinakbuhan nya nung naghiwalay sila at sa'kin pa talaga sya umiyak... sabi ni mommy shei, "pabayaan mo munang gumaling yung sugat... hindi yung pinapagaling mo nga yung sugat mo pero gumagawa ka na uli ng panibagong sugat..." Tama naman talaga si mmomy shei eh... Pero naisip din ba nila na tinutulungan ko nga si SAnjo na gumaling... pero pakiramdam ko ako naman ang nasusugatan sa nangyayari... mahirap din para sa'min ni Sanjo yun dahil may nasimulan na rin kami... Nasa gitna na nga eh... tapos biglang kailangan tigilan para mag-isip muna... Ang hirap iwasan ang isa't isa para magkaroon kami ng space mag-isip kung palagi naman kaming nagkikita at magkasama... pero if this is what it takes to make her at peace, papabayaan ko muna syang mag-isip kahit mahirap sa'kin... napaiyak na naman ako... lagi na lang akong umiiyak sa harapan nya... pakiramdam ko ang hina hina ko kapag kasama ko sya... mas nararamdaman ko na babae ako kapag kasama ko sya kumpara kapag totoong lalake ang kasama ko... try namin kung kaya namin bumalik sa dati... yung friends lang talaga... yung walang hugs and kisses... hindi na rin sweet... di na rin muna sya pupunta sa bahay... sana kayanin ko... sana kayanin namin... sana makapag-isip sya... sana pabor sa'kin yung maging desisyon... ayoko syang mawala sa'kin... hindi ngayon... selfish nga rin siguro ako... tulad ng sinasabi nya na selfish din sya... pero kailangan nya muna gumaling sa sugat na binigay ni pare bago kami maging ayos... hindi ko alam kung maghihintay ako o papabayaan ko na lang uli kung saan ako dadalhin ng agos ng buhay...

Tapos kanina, ang lungkot lungkot nya habang nakatingin sa'kin during our team meeting... Gusto ko syang tanungin kung ano ang problema pero kailangan na namin mag-log in... kinausap nga sya ng team leader namin dahil nakitang malungkot sya eh... tapos kinuwento nya rin sa'kin nung break namin... ayun... tapos nag-vgh sya at nagpaalam na may aayusin lang pero babalik sya... iniwan pa nya sa'kin yung baon nya... so, akala ko babalik sya... pero hindi nangyari... natapos ko na nag shift, nag-text na ako sa kanya pero walang Sanjo na dumating... Wala rin reply sa text ko... malakas pakiramdam ko na yung pare nya ang pinuntahan nya... Ewan ko ba... siguro kailangan ng closure... O siguro aayusin nila uli yung relasyon nila... Pakiramdam ko malulunod na ako... sa lungkot at pag-aalala... sana naman magparamdam sya para makatulog ako... kung bumalik sya dun sa pare nya sana bigyan nya rin ako ng closure... para hindi ako nakabitin sa alanganin... 

Currently feeling: worried

i don't remember doing a story board or writing a script about my life and find out one day that i'll be watching it in the theatres. and all of you will hate me but not as much as i hate the idea that sunk in (thanks to my best bud) after the scene where jacob was asking bella not to join edward and bella answered "it's him. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN HIM." right before my very eyes, there it was, the cold-hard-brutal truth..best bud is the werewolf and fiance is the vampire. and bestbud was so happy believing he was the vampire, he stated "the leech met her first right?" WRONG. technically, the dog met her first, as they have known each other long before because of their dads. and..it's always been Machan..my Machan..my own Edward. and yes, I will marry him. without any conditions. i just hope we would make up our minds about that..

from now on, i'll keep my mouth shut (meaning: refrain from posting comments that will initiate unwanted exchanging of words) and will just settle for minding my own business, and other girls'.hehe..oh yeah and one guy. anyone knows how to view sent messages? i'm just so sick and tired of people being soooooo ego-centric, oh and pls from now on, let's refer to bad guys as frogs not pigs. i have a pet pig named bubba and he means the world to me.

Currently feeling: like waiting for someone to pull the trigger

can you hear me?

can you feel the anguish of my soul?

can't you see that i'm slowly drowing, melting, dying?

i have given you my all!!!

and now im begging for just a little from you?

please need my plea.......

please save me!!!!!

Currently feeling: anxious

Why is it that all I ever get is mixed emotions?....One minute you are flirting with me,
But yet the next minute I don't exist.....So tell me what is really going on with you....Where 
do you want us to be?...You need to tell me once and for all,

Before I make up your mind and say forget it......Things never seem to change with us.
One minute close as can be, the next,....So distant I don't even know you....So you need to 
make up your mind,....And tell me if you want us together.

Because if not, you need to set my heart free.....And all these mixed emotions can stop,
SO I can finally get my life back on track.

Don't ever walk my way,
don't ever look me in the eye.

Don't ever say you loved me,
don't make me start to cry.

Don't look back,
don't turn around,
just keep on singing your song.

The song of heartache,
the song of cruelty,
where did our love go wrong?

My reflection in the mirror,
staring back at me.

My face looks so sad,
my soul looks so lost,
I need to find the key.

The key to open
the door full of happiness and life.
My pain is so bad
you couldn't slash it with a knife.

The pain will always be there,
the agony will never fade.

Without you I'm lost, 
I wander, 
my mind astray.

I know I'm strong,
I could get through this if I try.

I know you never really loved me 
and now I ask myself why?

Why didn't I see it before?
Was I to blind and stupid to realize
that you didn't see me as a woman?
I was just a tramp in your fierce eyes.
But now I'm trying to pick up the pieces,
to mend the bleeding wound.
Someday I'll learn to love again,
someday very soon...