Leave sya ngayon... wala akong kasama mag-lunch, wala akong kasabay umuwi... this is my time to think... to pause and reflect... sobrang naguguluhan na kase ako sa nararamdaman ko... hindi ko na maipaliwanag o hindi ko lang matanggap sa sarili ko na converted na talaga ako... ayokong entertain yung pakiramdam kase alam kong hindi pwede... ang hirap... buti sana kung lalake sya...

Matapos ang nakakabaliw na trip to tagaytay at ang mga random text messages, napatunayan kong hindi pala basta-basta tong nangyayari sa'min ngayon... apektado na kaming dalawa... mahirap kaseng ipaliwanag... tapos masyado kaming honest sa isa't isa kaya alam namin ang lahat ng nangyayari sa loob namin... nakakaramdam na sya ng guilt dahil pakiramdam nya nagiging unfair na sya sa gf nya... sorry sya ng sorry sa'kin dahil pakiramdam nya nagulo nya ang buhay ko... naiisip na nya na sana ako na lang ang gf nya kase marunong akong makinig... may tiwala ako sa kanya... kaya kong tumawa sa mga jokes nya... at nasasakyan ko ang kakulitan nya... parang ako ang LIFE'S LESS SERIOUS SIDE side nya... pero hindi nga ako ang girlfriend nya...

Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa'kin kaya kahapon habang magka-text kami napaiyak ako... hindi dahil nasasaktan ako kundi dahil gulung-gulo na ako sa nararamdaman ko... natural raction ng katawan ko kapag hindi ko na alam ang gagawin... gusto nya akong puntahan pero sinabi kong wag na... ayokong makita nya akong umiiyak... kahit nga si ex never akong nakitang umiiyak eh... hindi ko lang talaga naipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko kaya iniiyak o na lang...

Masarap sanang pakinggan na ako yung hinahanap nya pero hindi pwede... hindi ko rin alam kung kaya kong panindigan ang lahat ng ito... tsaka baka mamaya kung dadalhin namin sa susunod na level ang relasyon namin hindi mag-work out... natatakot ako... hindi ko rin alam kung ano tong nararamdaman ko...

Sana nga, it's just a phase!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"hmm.. naiisip ko kase na sana ikaw na lang gf ko.. masyado akong napagod sa nagyari sa'min ni gf.. dumating sa point na nawala tiwala nya sa'kin.. di ko alam kung mababalik pa.. parang di na kami honest sa isa't isa.. mahal nya ako, mahal ko din sya pero wala namang trust.. sa'yo pwede akong magsabi kahit ano.. Makikinig ka.. alam kong may tiwala ka sa'kin.. ewan ko ba.. I know it's wrong.. Siguro nagkakaganito lang ako kase nga napagod ako sa nangyari sa'min ni gf tapos sakto naging close tayo.. Napunta sa'yo atensyon ko.. wag ka aman sana magkwento kahit kanino about this.. Ayokong ma-stress tayo pareho.. di ba nga sabi mo, wag i-entertain yung feelings.. I'll work this out.."

----SanJo

 

 

Currently feeling: sad and confused

Yan ang eksaktong salita kung paano nya gustong i-describe ang current status namin... Pero mahirap maging cool lalo na kapag alam kong may kakaibang transformation na nangyayari sa sarili ko...

Matapos nya akong iwasan ng halos 2 araw parang hindi nya ako natiis... Magkasabay kami pumunta sa mrt noong linggo para umuwi... ako sa tagaytay, sya naman sa San Juan... Kasama nya yung isa naming teammate na papunta din north... Nagbayad na kami at naghiwalay na ng escalator... ako sa kanan, sila sa kaliwa... Malapit na ako sa taft ave. station nung tumawag sila at nagsabing hintayin ko daw sila para kumain... Kahit medyo nawierdohan ako sa kanila, hinintay ko pa rin sila... next train bumaba na sila tapos kumain kami sa mcdo... bumalik na naman ang kakulitan nya... dahil problemado yung isa namin teammate pinapayuhan namin sya... pero in between serious lines palaging may bloopers kaya tawa kami ng tawa sa loob ng mcdo... walang pakiaalam kahit pinagtitinginan na kami ng mga taong gusto lamang mag-almusal don... tumagal siguro kami ng 2 oras dun tsaka namin naisipang umuwi na... isasakay lang daw nila ako ng bus tapos itong si teammate1 biglang nagatanong kung kelan kaya sya makakapunta sa tagaytay dahil hindi pa daw sya nakakapunta dun... Sbi ko naman, ngayon na... Why not!... Aba at pumayag nga ang mga IT... so kasama ko silang umuwi sa tagaytay...

Sa byahe, masyado kaming makulit... bumalik na uli sya sa dati... hindi siguro makatiis na hindi ako kulitin... Masaya ako na okay na uli kami pero kinakabahan ako sa kung ano man ang nabubuong pakiramdam ko... Baby's day out pa yung movie sa bus... tawa tuloy kami ng tawa lalo... my god!... sobrang nae-enjoy ko ang company nya talaga... mahirap tuloy i-distinguish kung friendly feelings lang yung meron sa'min o there's something else... kumain lang kami sa bahay, nakiligo sya tapos nagkwentuhan lang... yung balak nilang pumunta sa picnic grove para mamasyal hindi na natuloy... next time na lang daw pagbalik nila... Nakakatawa kase parang hinatid lang nila ako sa bahay... nakakatawa kase parang yun pa yung naging susi para lalo kaming maging malapit sa isa't isa... At sikreto lang ang pagpunta namin dun... walang tropa ko ang dapat makaalam dahil issue na naman yun... Ang hirap umiwas!!!

Tapos maghapon kaming magkatext ngayon.. kung anu anu lang... tapos napunta na naman sa posibilidad na ma-convert ako at ang pag-iwas nya... na ayaw kong payagan dahil hindi naman valid yung reason nya para umiwas ako... Bukod sa ayaw nya ma-convert ako, ayaw na nya na sweet ako sa kaya at ayaw na rin nya na masyado akong concern sa kanya, ayaw na rin daw nya na magse-send ako ng masyadong patama na qoutes... Ang reason nya, kung magpapatuloy daw ako sa mga ganun kong gawain, baka ma-fall na daw sya sa'kin... natatawa ako sa reason nya pero parang kinilig rin ako ng onti... palagi nya akong tinatanong kung converted na daw ba ako o may gusto na daw ako sa kanya?... nagbigay ako ng reason at sagot na alam kong gusto at dapat nyang marinig... sinabi kong ganun din ako sa lahat ng friends ko, sweet, concern at palaging nagse-send ng mga kung anu anong quotes... hindi ko na sinabi sa kanya na naguguluhan na talaga ako sa nararamdaman ko dahil malamang hindi na naman nya ako kakausapin kapag nagkita uli kami... Sinabi ko rin sa kanya na wag nyang entertain yung feelings para hindi lumaki... mukhang na-convince ko aman sya sa naging sagot ko... kaya ngayon cool lang kami... super cool na hindi na namin alam kung saan kami pupulutin kapag nagpatuloy pa kami sa pagiging malapit sa isa't isa...

Tinatanong ko nga ang sarili ko ngayon kung kaya ko ba ang consequence ng pagiging converted?... kaya ko na bang masaktan uli?... kaya ko na bang buksan uli ang puso ko?... Gaano na ba kabukas ang utak ko sa same sex relationship?... kaya ko bang mang-agaw para lang maging masaya ako?...

Kailangan ko ng sagot... hindi ko na alam kung kanino ako lalapit... bago sa'kin tong pakiramdam na to... hindi ko nga matukoy kung ano eh... baka mamaya, natutuwa lang ako sa kanya kase bago... hindi ko alam... kailangan ko ng matinong sagot...

 

Currently listening to: cool-gwen stefani
Currently feeling: super confused

Seryosong bagay na daw ito, sabi mo... Mukhang iba na kase yung sitwasyon... Akala ko pa naman madali lang mabuhay sa paligid mo... Hindi pala... Tsaka ang alam ko sa sarili ko bago kita makilala hindi ko preference ang mga tulad mo... Wala akong itinago sa'yo... Lahat ng mga worries ko tungkol sa issue sa ating dalawa o yung mga iniisip ng mga tao sa totoong score sa bigla nating pagiging malapit sa isa't isa, lahat sinabi ko sa'yo yun... Kase alam kong ikaw lang ang pwede kong sabihan nun ngayon na walang bias judgement... Alam kong mas alam mo kung ano ang dapat gawin sa sitwasyon kase halos lahat siguro napagdaanan mo na tungkol sa ganitong mga pagkakataon... Komportable akong sabihin sa'yo lahat ng nasa loob ko dahil alam kong maiintindihan mo...

Tapos.......

Bigla ka na lang nag-sorry sakin dahil sabi mo, nagulo mo ang mundo ko... Humingi ako nang paliwanag... Sabi mo kung hindi naman ako naging malapit sa'yo hindi sila magdududa sa preference ko... Tapos sabi mo hindi mo na ako kukulitin... Natatakot ka na kase na baka ma-convert mo na nga ako... Sinabi kong wala silang pakiaalam pero parang nakagawa ka na ng desisyon mo... Sumunod na araw na nagkita tayo, parang hindi na ikaw yung taong huli kong nakausap sa pag-uwi natin kahapon... Pakiramdam ko, gumawa ka na talaga ng distansya sa pagitan nating dalawa... Hindi mo ako iniiwasan pero hindi ka na nangungulit sakin tulad ng dati... Parang may malaking parte ng araw ko ang nawala dahil bigla ka na lang naging ganyan... Ngayon, dahil sa ginagawa mo, lalo tuloy akong nagdududa sa sarili ko... Pakiramdam ko, may posibilidad talaga na magpalit ang preference ko... Tapos kung kailan kailangan ko ng tulong mo tsaka mo pa naisipang umiwas... Sino na sasabihan ko ngayon ng trouble ko tungkol sa preference ko?... Paano nga kung posible talaga?... May magagawa ka ba?...

Nga pala......

Nakakaramdam na rin ako ng selos kapag may ibang lumalapit sa'yo... Pakiramdam ko kase lahat yun gustong maging girlfriend mo... Ayoko silang makita at nasisira ang araw ko... Tulad kanina, yung babaeng pula ang buhok na nasa istasyon mo, gusto ko syang kalbuhin... Haaaayssss... Ano ba'ng ginawa mo sa'kin?...

 

p.s.

Thank you nga pala sa chocolate brownies na binili mo para sa dessert kanina... kahit na hindi ka na ganun kakulit, sweet ka pa rin...   

Currently feeling: jealous

1. Name: bianxraquel
2. Age: 26
3. Birthday: 10/11/83
4. Location: QC, La Union
5. School: Siena College QC, Christ the King College, La Union National High School, UP College Baguio, FEU - Fern Diliman, Our Lady of Fatima University Valenzuela, La Union College of Nursing, Arts and Sciences. Hey, what can I say? I love schools.
6. Height: 5'4
7. Bloodtype: O
8. Religion: Catholic
9. Hobbies: I like to listen to all sorts of music, I have a knack for taking photos of everything that piques my interest, I sometimes write crap in this blog, I was once a very mushy person who used to create poetry (depending on the guy she meets) rofl
10. Personality: Slightly introverted; Extremely Shy, but becomes uber-confident when drunk
11. When you're the happiest: When there's food, when there's something to read, when I hang out at the beach, and when I hang out with someone who shall not be named. Voldemort? Hoho.
12. Your biggest complaint currently: I need a paying job. Tsss
13. What you wear when you sleep: Shirt and shorts
14. A hairstyle you like on the opposite gender: Long Haired and/or Short Haired ones with a tinge of goatee. It depends really. I usually get attracted to long haired guys, I tend to stare at them more than the short-haired ones. But if I were like, serious with someone I usually don't care anymore. I mean it's just hair, if I like 'em long on someone they could always grow it back anyway.
15. Ideal guy: Someone I can be best friends with at the same time; smart, understanding, extremely sweet, romantic, mushy regardless of how 'metal' he is, someone I can go to places with and not give a damn about where, someone I can enjoy doing things with without being awkward or uncomfy. A musician, an artist, a writer. Any and all. I don't know. I've always liked the artsy/musician types.
16. Habits: Moderate www.filipinometal.com/forums, go online for hours on end, read books, watch dvd's, eat, sleep, smoke, drink, repeat
17. Favorite fruit: Mango, Banana, Pineapple
18. Favorite vegetable: Squash, Brocolli, Potatoes, String Beans, Sitaw, Sayote
19. Guy celebrities you think are good looking: Johnny Depp baby
20. Girl celebrities you think are pretty: Charlize Theron would be one. Then there's Kate Hudson
21. A treasured posession: I don't know...
22. Numbers you like: 11, 8, 15, 16, 27
23. Things that stress you: Nursing Career Path and not having any income for the past 9 months
24. My bad qualities: I have a tendency of becoming too clingy and emotional, paranoid at times. But I'm working on them. At least it's not as evident as before.
25. Your mood right now: Just plain tired.
26. What you want to do right now: I want to hug someone so badly right now.
27. A kid you like: My brothers Enzo and Miguel
28. Food you like: Anything meat! But lately I'm loving lamb and beef longganisa, and bawit's cebu longganisa. I like tocino too. and Sisig. And I'll never live to see 60. Lol
29. Food you don't like: Ampalaya. Kahit ikuskos mo pa siya sa asin para hindi maging mapait. No way man.
30. Shoe size: 8 1/2?
31. Drinking capacity: It depends on the day, who I'm drinking with and if I feel like drinking. There was one time I outdrank all my guy tropas, there were times when all we had was wine and I had to crawl on the way home
32. Cigarette: I started with Marlboro Greens when I was in Highschool. Then it shifted to Marlboro Reds + Snow Bear; then it was Marlboro Gold. There was a time that I even smoked Phillip Morris. Now it's back to Marlboro Greens.
33. A movie that made you sad: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
34. A childhood dream: To be a Cardiovascular Surgeon. Now I know why I couldn't be, and why I wanted to be one before. (grins)
35. Motto: Mmmm.
36. Bedtime: Weee hours of the morning
37. Your future hope: successful nurse, steady income, married, family, happy.
38. Do you think you're the type that laughs easily: It depends on who makes me laugh
39. Something you cook well: eggs! and mmm. hotdogs. anything processed, fried or instant
40. Where do you live right now?:that's a weird question. I still don't know. I'm not very sure. But I live anywhere my heart leads me to.
41. A event that remains in your memory: A lot. Read my blog and these are the memories, bad and good.
42. What you say often: Sheesh
43. First kiss: I dont remember
44. If you did, where: refer to answer above
45. When you see a guy, where do you look first: Any part of the face.
46. If you suddenly got a million dollars?: I'd have my family buy whatever they want first, whatever's left of the million dollars, I'd spend it on myself. Like... a nice DSLR, a car maybe, and a place of my own.
47. A drama that you had fun watching?: I dont like drama.
48. A movie you had fun watching?: Anything with Adam Sandler in it.
49. Eyesight: 20/20 yata
50. Destressing methods: Sleep. Getting myself drunk to release the stress. Cry.
51. What you want to learn: i want to learn how to unlearn things so i could start anew.
64. What you want to do: I want to be happy.
65. If your boyfriend was dying: I would never leave his side. Except for bathroom breaks.
66. When do you feel like you hate yourself: All the time.
67. About relationships before marriage: I feel like I suck at relationships. So I don't know
68. Lifestyle principle: Live your life one day at a time. Never expect too much, or too little. Be happy for the moment, and when there are regrets, take them as life lessons and start all over again. You'd be scared, yes, but eventually you'll get there, be with someone you've always wanted, and be loved the way you've always dreamed of being loved.
69. Weather that I like: Whatever weather it is just before Christmas
70. When is your TV time: Almost never
71. Precious friends: Diwi, Louie, Mel Manyak, Karen, Kel and hmm who else.
72. Life is?: this.
73. Favorite drink: Red Horse, Red Wine, Vodka-Sprite, Rhum-Coke
74. Favorite meal: Tocilog, Sisilog, LAMB gosh
75: Favorite cookies: Chips Ahoy
76. If you break up with your boyfriend, you would go: Done. I've grown apathetic to the last break up that it just didn't matter anymore.
77. A teacher you respect: My philosophy professor in UP College Baguio and the finance professor at FEU Fern. But I forgot their names.
78. Introduce your family: Hi. My name is bianx and I have four siblings, two from my mom, and two from my dad. See, they long since separated when I was six. Then they remarried. From my mom there's Enzo who is now 14 and Miguel, who is 17 and taking up Entrepreneurship. Both study in Angelicum. Now as for my other two siblings, they're both in La Union. One is Henry Arvin, and I don't know how old he is now, and there's Haidi Jarene. I think they're 15 and 11 respectively. So I'm the eldest of us five.
79. Happiness is: appreciating the simplest things in life. (I couldn't have said it better myself)
80. A birthday present that you remember most: Highschool. When my mom gave me this small inspirational book with quotes in 'em.
81. Favorite animal: Dog
82. Favorite plant: Uhm. I don't like plants. Except maybe if it's the small cactuses that doesn't need much watering.
83. Favorite season: Just before christmas, whatever you call that season. Oh I like surfing season
84. About antis: ?
85. If you had to choose between love or friendship: I say both. But it starts with the latter, so it will just eventually sprout, you know, that overrated word. Bleh. I mean love.
86. If the world was to come to an end tomorrow: then I hope it's not too painful.
87. Singing skills: Only in videokes!
88. Dancing skills: I used to be part of the Dance Varsity in UP Baguio called 'Tayaw'. We used to do modern/ethnic interpretative dances that involves much splits, high kicks and skimpy skin-tight tights..
89. Your theme song: I have two. 3 Libras by A Perfect Circle and Gorecki by Lamb
90. Current obsession?: a DSLR. Nikon D60 and a VR 18 - 200 mm lens
91. Favorite fruit tree: Mmmmm.
92. What do you feel about relationships where a girl is older than the boy: Uhm, never tried so no idea.
93. If you were to die tomorrow: there's not much I can do.
94. When do you want to marry: I don't know really. I'd be lucky if I ever get married. I've had thoughts that I may never will, just because nothing ever works out for me
95. Yourself 20 years later: Hopefully happy.
96. A country you want to see the most: Italy!
97. E-mail: ? bianxraquel@yahoo.com
98. What you want to say to those who read this: Hey ho, let's go!
99. If you had a trait you want to fix: Be more sociable
100. Last word: Word.

Mahirap bigyan ng kahulugan ang mga bagay na ginagawa nya... Commited pa sya eh... kahit na sabihin ng marami na parang wala na lang yung relasyon nila... Tsaka, kaya ko bang pumasok sa isang relasyon na hindi naman tanggap ng karamihan?... Tsaka, sya na rin mismo ang nagsabi sa'kin na hwag akong magpapa-convert eh...

Pero...

Kapag kasama ko sya masaya ako... Nakakalimutan ko na nga minsan ang mga tao sa paligid eh... hindi ako inlove sa kanya pero alam kong espesyal sya sa'kin... at least, sa panahong ito... mahirap ipaliwanag pero baka natutuwa lang ako sa atensyon na ibinibigay sa'kin nung tao...

Ngunit...

Mahirap na uling sumugal... lalo na sa isang hindi pa pangkaraniwan sa paningin ng mga tao... baka sa huli ako lang maging talunan uli... hindi ito yung bagay na kailangan mong ipaglaban sa mga tao sa paligid mo... At least, base sa paniniwala ko... basta... hindi ko rin nakita ang sarili ko sa hinaharap na may ganong uri ng relasyon... baka out of curiousity pwede ko pang gawin yon pero kung seryoso parang malabo... pwedeng magbago ang panahon pero hindi pwedeng magbago ang Rule of Nature na "ang babae ay para sa lalake at ang lalake ay para sa babae." Kapag nabago yun, mawawala ang balance of nature at mawawalan ng saysay ang kaibahan ng reproductive system ng babae sa lalake...

Subalit...

Panahon lang ang makakapagsabi kung hanggang saan aabot ang mga nangyayari ngayon sa'kin... pwedeng oo, pwedeng hindi... pero pwede rin naman na manatili kami sa friendship level para hindi maging kumplikado ang lahat...

+++++++++++++++++++++++

p.s.

Salamat pala sa Hersheys chocolate nung break tsaka sa chocolate covered polvoron nung lunch... magkaka-diabetes na ako kapag palaging ganito... haha...    

Currently listening to: 311 music
Currently feeling: confused?

Sometimes, I don't get myself anymore. Why I am the way I was, why I leave QC for La Union. I always used to say that in La Union, I am happy. Now I know what the difference is between happy - La Union and happy - Manila - Now.

In La Union, I feel free. There is no limit to the hours I can go out, the places I can go to. I am free; some people call my name and I have no idea who they are. San Fernando is too small a town - it's a place where you can win small literary contests in and have everybody know who you are the succeeding days. I felt free; on days when I am extremely depressed, I could just go to the nearby surf capital of the North, San Juan, buy myself a beer and watch the sunset.

I have tasted the good life, really, having been subjected to the basketball treatment (where I used to be the ball and I get tossed around from one place to another, by my dad, my mom, my grandmom and an aunt) and Quezon City, Diliman, Meycauayan and La Union were the home courts. I've tasted luxury, I know what it felt like to live extravagantly from at least two out of the three home courts. But it all boils down to this: simple things - that's what makes me happy.

And again, happy, being the overrated word that it is, is just that again. A word. A word that I rarely use, but I'm using it now.

But what are simple things? Eat street food. Hang out at your fave spot without spending too much except for the occasional booze and obligatory cigarettes. Eat tocilog at your neighborhood Pares house. Taking long walks along Session Road and/or Burnham Park, alone. Watching passers-by and being fascinated by them while sipping your morning coffee. Going online for hours on end. Go to the mall and window shop. Go to the metal gigs that you so love. Soundtrip for hours while staring at the ceiling. Taking photos of random things. Simple things that do not involve money (or too much of it). Simple, fun things. Things that you do that are never high maintenance; things that you do that most people would say 'yuck' to.

Going back, happiness in La Union is happiness when I am alone. Now, although I am technically alone, I don't feel so lonely anymore.

I love hangouts. I love isaw. I love lamb. I love beef longganisa. I love everything about the last two weeks. Heck, include September. There is nothing that I would change, save for probably the initial purpose as to how it came to be. But I find it nice, and more of a blessing in disguise. 

Freeze moments. I hope it's possible. So I can put them in a li'l box and have an excuse to be nostalgic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happiness is overrated. But what can I say? I haven't felt happiness in such a long time that NOW is a good, good opportunity to say that I FEEL it. And this time I know why.

Someone makes me happy, surprisingly. There was a time when I long stopped believing that I would get to meet someone who actually will. Well, of course, when a person gets depressed at times the last thing that comes to mind is 'hope.' This is what happened to me for the past few years. I stopped caring for myself just to please someone else. I was not happy. I thought I was, because the last thing I wanted to happen is be left all alone again, and be abandoned and what not. Fear of abandonment, if you want to call it.

Why did it take me five years to come to this realization?

I'd be lying if I've said I don't know why. The only excuse that I could come up with is the fact that I have spent too many years with just this one person and it's pretty hard to start anew with someone else. You know someone too much and it becomes hard to let go no matter how sour the relationship gets. This is what happened, see.

I am happy now for some uncanny reason. If I were any younger, I would probably talk about this guy who I'd have hopes of being together with "officially" but no. Not this time. I am not the same hopeless romantic "tanga" person that I used to be. So what's the difference with bianx now and bianx then when it comes to the so-called happiness that she kept on preaching about years ago, after numerous guys who promised her forever?

This time, I set no expectations. I am very grateful for having met this wonderful, wonderful person. I am not hoping, not waiting, not expecting. The one thing that I can't NOT do is to miss this person. I miss him everyday.

I used to think that it's not a good thing. But now I say that it isn't really bad, because, at the rate it's going, just being friends with this person is more than enough for me to go on with my daily life in an inspired/motivated/happy state. And THAT, I trust, is good.

I am happy. I hope you are too.

 

Nakakatawa yung issue tungkol sa'min ni butch... parang lumalaki sa paningin ng mga taong nakapaligid sa'min... Sa tingin ko naman walang nagbago... Medyo naging malapit nga lang kami sa isa't isa... Syempre, nagkakakilala kami ng mas malalim eh... haaays... malisya... malisya...

Nakakatawa pa kase tong si obit na confused (madalas na topic sa previous entry ko) eh mukhang nagseselos kay butch... sa hindi ko malamang dahilan... Reasonable pa naman ako mag-isip... tsaka, the last time na uminom kami, sabi nya nagseselos daw sya as a friend dahil yung atensyon ko daw ngayon eh napupunta na kay butch... which is so untrue... akala lang nila yun dahil nga magka-teammate kami nung tao at magkasabay pa ng break schedules... Kaya ba naming baguhin yun?... tapos yung mga text message pa ni obit, hala, akala mo jowa ko syang nagseselos... goodluck naman!... Wag ganun!... ayoko naman mabawasan yung friends ko dahil lang may isang butch na nadagdag sa list of friends ko... pwede naman silang magkasundo lahat eh... Walang talo-talo... magkakaibigan lahat para masaya...

nakaka-stress sila, actually... andami nilang problema... hay naku... kaya ang payo ni butch sa'kin, wag akong magpapa-convert (from girl to lesbian) kase masakit daw talaga sa ulo yun... hahaha... And in the very first place, I don't want to be converted... hehe...

On the other hand, natutuwa talaga ako kay butch dahil sobrang sweet nya... haha... yung mga simpleng bagay na ginagawa nya para sa'kin kahit hindi ko naman hinihingi... mga bagay na nami-miss ko na dahil matagal na rin naman akong walang karelasyon... tapos kahit hindi namin aminin sa isa't isa, may special treatment talagang nagaganap... Masarap lang syang kasama... Cool lang... walang hassel kapag nandyan sya... prang laging nasa relax mode ang utak ko... parang tawa lang kami nang tawa... pareho kase kaming mababaw ang kaligayahan...

(Shet!... hindi kaya naco-convert na rin ako??? waaaaah!!!)

Nga pala, bigla na lang nyang naisipang bumuli ng TAHO kay manong sa stop over namin kanina sa may Boni habang naghihihtay ng jeep... After almost a year yata ng hindi pagkain/pag-inom ng taho, sya lang yung taong nakapagpapakain sa'kin nun uli... at isang bonggang bonggang malaking baso yung binili nya para sa'kin para daw lumaki ako... hahaha... torture!... pero sweet!...

Basta ang sabi nya, wag daw akong magpapa-convert... e di wag!... hehe...

Currently listening to: clicking of the mouse
Currently feeling: sweet